So, I bought myself a Dreamcast this Thanksgiving weekend. It was a choice I made after careful consideration and a lot of looking to try to find one that wasn’t full price. Since buying it, it has taken up almost all of my spare time. So much so that I haven’t had time for email or for TV, two previous time eaters. But there is one thing…

It’s thinking. No, that’s not just an ad campaign. The Dreamcast actually is thinking. And I don’t think that it’s thinking about things that I would like very much. You see, it got off the shelf by itself, and opened it’s lid by itself. And although I’m not entirely sure, I don’t remember there being teeth on the unit when I bought it.

I got some other tip offs that the Dreamcast was thinking too. Late last night after a long game of Jet Grind Radio, I went to turn it off and the TV screen flashed. I could have sworn it said: “you’re not trying to turn me off, are you?” But I looked again and it was back to the normal screen.

Well, I was a little worried about that the other day, so I was telling a friend of mine that I thought the Dreamcast was trying to kill me, and he said that he had a problem similar to it with an old Nintendo. He said it failed to actually do any damage because it only had 8 bits to think with, though. This makes me a little more scared though, because the Dreamcast has 128 bits and plenty of teeth.

Today I came home and the Dreamcast was sitting on the couch with the remote next to it. I thought this was pretty curious, but I picked it up and placed it back on the shelf where it belongs. I’m not sure what to do about the whole situation, I would think that devoting so many hours to the Dreamcast it would think we’re friends, but I’m still not sure. And I don’t feel too comfortable with it going around my apartment watching TV and eating my food.

I, Emperor of the Usian Hordes, have captured the mighty power limes of the Hore. Yes, through deception and treachery as well as savage butchery and military might the Usians have captured that which makes young Hores strong. LIMES!!!

In a meeting between myself and the Cracktoad of Hore, he thought it would be wise to bring the limes with him, this of course proved to be his fatal flaw. Like the conquerors and pioneers of the North America against the Indians, I used the Fire Water to bring the limes to me. By the end of the eve, Toad had forgotten even that he brought the sour orbs of might. THE LIMES WERE MINE!!!

These four limes, symbolizing the strengths of the great elements of the earth, can be used to dominate the world and even the Universe. The limes, holding powers of Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water, can be placed together to harness the energies of the cosmos into a single being. Watch as the limes generate an energy core between them!

Ahh yes! The limes of power infuse their owner with a might that is incomprehensible by mere human minds. No longer shall the Hores run with their mighty lime fueled war machines along side them. No, they shall all face but a single enemy. I, the Lime KING!! My sour-ey goodness will sweep over my enemies and destroy all that stands in my way. Not even the mountains dare oppose me. With enough time spent with the limes I may ascend the ladder of omnipotence and sit beside god himself! BEHOLD!

Tremble oh ye of the earth below. I could destroy you all with a wave of my hand. Sour the worlds food supply with a sneeze. Sting the wounds of millions with my very eyes. Marvel at the power I posess. Kneel before the fruit of destruction. And when it is time, I shall reach my hands into the soil and coat this land with my limey children. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!