They always tell you to get a good night’s sleep before taking a big test. At around 2 AM, I remembered this rule and figured I’d get to be in about 15 minutes so I’d be well rested. 1 hour later, I was looked at the clock and did the math. An hour isn’t the same as 15 minutes. So I went to sleep, I figured I would be fine, it was only a test.

I woke up to the delightful sound of my alarm clock beeping in my ear. Resisting the urge to knock it off the shelf, I remembered why it had dared go off so early. I get to take a test! As I was getting dressed, I tried to remember the last test of academics I had taken. I couldn’t remember one in particular, although I was pretty sure, even in my sleepiness, that I had taken at least one in High School. I also remembered that eating a healthy breakfast was important to your SAT’s as well. Apparently, they are able to discern whether you got a good night’s sleep and what you ate for breakfast, because you are always encouraged to eat right and sleep well before the SAT’s. So, I downed a bowl of Golden Grahms, full of goldenny sweetness, and we were off to the Test Center.

The lawn to the high school where the SATs were being given had a line with perhaps 300 people in it. I didn’t know testing was that popular, but apparently the SAT 1 had sold out. Luckily, I was taking the SAT 2. So I walked towards the door, finding a sign that told me the SAT2 was being given in the library. You have to realize, that I had never seen this school before in my life and I had no idea where the fuck the library was. So I wandered around the schoolyard trying to look like I wasn’t lost until I found the line.

Standing in line I checked to make sure that I had brought number 2 pencils, another essential testing material. To my horror, the number on the pencils starkly read: 2 . 5.

“Oh SHIT” I thought.

I stood there trying to look casual while I scratched off the “.5″ from the pencil. I hoped they wouldn’t be checking these sorts of things. Thankfully, when my turn in line finally came around, the woman looked lazily at my new york driver’s license for a second, then looked again… and again, and finally, let me pass. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I proceeded to my seat.

I sat down and proceeded to fidget nervously for the next 15 minutes or so. Nobody was speaking for a long time, until we all realized that no one else was coming in yet we were still not testing. The girl across from me looked annoyed. I told her quietly that they were checking to make sure everyone had a good breakfast and a solid night’s sleep. She laughed… giving us away to the instructors. They came over and informed us that there was no talking during the test. I decided not to ask when the test was actually going to start, seeing as I was paying to be here at 8 AM on a Saturday morning.

An hour passed, and the test finally started. All people who needed to take writing had to take that first so I started scratching out my essay. At this point I’d like to say that it had been more than a year since I had handwritten anything more than a few sentences. My computer job, thankfully keeps me from penning most things. This being said, one can imagine that my essay of two pages was both illegible and excruciating on my arm. Nursin my arm cramps I tried to fill in the ovals for the rest of the writing test. I was sure to make my marks heavy and dark and to erase any mistakes completely. More cardinal Rules of standardized testing.

As the test finished, an hour later, I realized that I was not going to make it out of this place by 11, like I had planned originally. In the next 30 minute break between tests, I chatted with teh girl across from me. We decided that the instructors were trying to figure out which were the test books and which were the answer sheets. We were told again not to talk while testing. Again, I questioned their sanity. Finally, the next test started. I chose AmeriKan History.

I don’t quite remember anything about the History test, I just remember that there was a lot of oval filling going on. It was about 11:30 when I finally finished with the History test and we all took a break. I was able to get a coke from the: ‘Soda Machine in a Cage’, my morning caffeine… slightly late. It dawned on me that while SAT1’s would not meet the college I wanted to go to’s requirements, of the SAT 2’s that one had to be math and one had to be english. Strange that those are the two subjects covered by the SAT1. I tried to suck down the soda quickly so I could get back into the library before I got yelled at again, but this just made me need to burp. I tried to let the burp out softly, and not make any noise, but as soon as I sat down it erupted in all it’s glory, announcing that I was the one who had drank some soda during the break. Once more I was asked not to talk during the testing.

Last was the Math test. This was the math test where you had the option to use a multi-function graphing calculator if you so chose. I, unfortunately did not have $100 to spend on such a fancy calculator and decided before the test that I would just go without. Mostly the math test was easy, unless I got to some part of math I had forgotten, like how to find the length of the sides of a triangle when you know the area of a square that is drawn next to it in the booklet. Similar stupid questions such as how hard an airplane would hit the ground if falling such and such amount of feet next to a lighthouse, were on the parts of the test that I guessed on. I finished the Math test just before 1 PM. A good morning wasted that I could have been sleeping.

As I walked out of the school and towards the parking lot I remembered something my ride had said about needing to be at the airport by 1. As I stepped around the corner to the parking lot, I saw three cars, none of which were my ride.

At this point I was really not happy, but I turned around and started walking. It wouldn’t be too far of a walk for me to get home, only about 4 miles; so I walked. I crossed one or two intersections, walked past a landfill or a green house, one of those two I couldn’t tell, and sweat a little in the afternoon sun. As I reached the second intersection, I waited for the light to change. Up drove a truck and someone stuck their head out. I prepared myself for him to say something stupid, as people in cars often do to people on foot.

“Nice shirt, dude.” he yelled.

I looked down and saw that I was wearing my ‘KILL YOUR TV’ shirt. I nodded, and the truck drove off. I crossed the intersection, and started walking again. Thankfully, fifteen minutes later, someone pulled over right in front of me. I looked at the car kind of funny, till Jonathon, a friend of mine, stuck his head out and told me to get in. The universe took one last pot shot at me that day as I jabbed myself in the leg with my number 2.5 pencil, getting into the car.

Where I work, at an Internet Provider, back in Tech Support, they call me FreaK. This makes it no surprise that I turned around sharply when someone yelled out: “HEY FREAK!”. Rufus, a good friend of mine, called me over, his customer on hold. He explained to me briefly that a club was going out of business and that tonight would be their closing party. He said they’d be leaving at nine for the club and I should see if I could get a ride down to go with them.

Having no car of my own I was off to ask the other two who were going if they knew the fifth guy’s phone number so I could mooch a ride off him. the best I got was a pager number and a home phone that I was instructed NOT to call. I biked home, picked up the phone and called the pager, then plopped down with the phone in front of the TV and waited. And Waited. And waited a little more. Around 6:30 I got a call, we chatted it out and he said he would pick me up at 8:30. I gave him directions to my house and hung up.

Skip forward if you will to 8:45, I’m sitting on a big rock next to my driveway in the dark, with a flashlight waiting for my friend, Phu, to come. No Show, I keep checking back.

Now, let’s jump ahead once more to 10:00, keeping in mind it’s Monday night as well, and nearing my meager bed time. Still no Phu, still no call back, and the TV was getting sour. But I figured I’d stick it out between the rock and the house 15 more minutes. No show. Around 10:30 I’m in my house watching TV and I hear out of nowhere, the far off call of:

“FREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK, FREAAAAAAAK! C’mon let’s go!”.

There stood Rufus, next to a giant suburban, waking the neighbors and screaming out my name. I ran to the car, hopped in and we were on our way.

“So What kind of club is this?” I ask, about 30 minutes into the trip.

“Uhh.. well the people here will be a lot like the people you’d find at a nine inch nails concert.”

ALERT!!! WARNING!!!

“Oooooooohhhhhhhhh SHIT!”

“I Thought you liked NIN”

At this point I can see them now, goths. lots and lots of goths. Goddamnit! I wondered if it was too late to turn around, quickly stowing the thought as I knew it’d be mutiny. I figured I had better answer that question, I do like NIN.

“I Do… but.. g-go-go-goths…” I uttered “I hate goths. I’ll be lucky to get through the night with less than a dozen razor wounds. and even luckier if none of them are on wrist or neck.”

With a little more driving, we arrived in downtown LA, passing the club on our left. The line was enormous. It reached perhaps 100 feet in two directions. The goths were in high number. We pulled into a 7 11 to get some cash and then we looked for a close parking spot. When we found one I stepped out of the suburban and Rufus informed me that his friend was here. When I asked how he pointed to the small yellow (old style) bug.

“So.. it’s a Bug, there’s buttloads of those”

I was quickly proven wrong by being pointed out that THIS bug had the Autobot symbol branded proudly on the hood. The owner of this car was a true genius.

We soon encountered the line.. and there we stood, for a very long long time. I saw interesting people in that line. Lots of women in leather pants and lots of guys in dresses. Interesting I guess, isn’t quite a powerful enough word for that though. I also saw one or two non-goths. Those two were Phu and Rufus. The other non goths I thought I had seen were merely non-gothic only from behind, as they turned or went inside I saw hat they were indeed pale and pierced. I felt kinda out of place, seeing as I still only have original holes in my body. Even Phu and Rufus have earrings.

Rufus’ girlfriend was also there, although she was fairly unnoticeable since she blended well with goths and didn’t speak very loudly. She was not a total Goth, so I tolerated her. She had the unfortunate problem of forgetting her ID, she departed our company when we were admitted… an hour after our line ride began.

I was actually rather surprised that Rufus let her stay outside, but that’s not my business, I just wanted to get inside so I could feel validated in driving to Downtown LA at 11:00 PM on a monday night to a building with 500 goths inside it. When we got inside, there were 497 goths. I know this because they building was only generating a line because maximum occupancy was reached. I also know this because apart from my companions, everyone else was wearing black and was pierced in many places on their face alone.

We were soon met by an apparent friend of Rufus, who greeted him with a hug and I was hoping me next. Not so much luck. Rufus, before I could figure out what was going on was being led away and said:

“Stay here I’m gonna see if we can get my girlfriend in here”

So there we sat, I pushed some goth girl off a crate and we sat and waited. And waited. I’;m not sure exactly how much time passed while we were waiting but I know it was long enough for me to figure out which occupants immediately in front of me were male and which were female. Not an easy task.

“you guys are still here? I thought you’d be having fun.” Rufus said as he returned, without his girlfriend or the other girl. He held up a plastic cup, 75% full. “White Russian, would you like some?”

“No thanks” I said “It’s 1 AM and I have to be awake and on a bike in 6 hours.”

So we caroused the place. Hitting th dance floor for a little while, not long enough to get caught between too many goths of course, then the back rooms, then the balcony, where the speakers were. Bad Idea.

Rufus went off to find the bathroom, Phu, who had not been having much fun until this point became enthused. I, lost my hearing by speaker volume and then later, Rufus yelling in my ear. It wasn’t that I couldn’t hear him, it’s just that he wasn’t making sense.

An hour later, I found myself talking to the woman selling merchandise in the back. It was quiet and she was pretty cute, so I talked to her. Then I was informed she was married and I turned to computer talk. This brought up the situation of Cable modems, which prompted the husband to tell me that he had a Cable modem, and the first day he had it that my Internet Provider, the place where I work, called him to inform him that he was cancelled.

It seems he had violated the policy and had put a server up, he got caught, the cancelled him. After about 15 minutes of complaint, we laughed it off, as he had eventually gotten it reinstated. I felt much better. I don’t like to go more than 15 minutes without intense computer talk.

With that we were ready to head home. Rufus however had wandered off.. drunk. Mind you, he hadn’t had more than one drink, he was just drunk… somehow. It was a small drink too. We found him getting ready to enter a crowd of goths. Good thing we caught him. We promptly left, finding his girlfriend still waiting outside.

So, as we escorted Rufus down the street, and I checked for unnoticed goth marks, we summed up the night. A worthwhile visit I would say, despite the hour wait and the deafness I had achieved. In the parking lot we met the man with the Bug. The man who had transformers still on his car. I told him what I thought of the car and how cool it was and he said:

“Dude.”